Shout out to my ex
It's kinda broke my heart to hear story about people that went thru a toxic relationship, where their partner can be abusive and do such a violence.
It's even saddened me more to know that those people are close to me and I couldn't imagine what they were going thru. The fact that people you trust and love dearly could do such thing, makes it even harder for me to process.
There's a saying that "Those you trust the most can hurt you the most". I believe this can be true because your partner knows that you love them, and you will eventually forgive them. Which is true, by the way from my experience. Some people expresses love in the wrong way.
I've never had any partner who hit me, however, my previous partner likes to flirt around, saying uncontrollable and bad things when he was mad and not to mention, he sometimes twist his story. Before deciding to be with him, I know that he cheated on his exes (yes, he confessed to me he cheated on his first and second girlfriend). He said he want to start something new, clean and ready to move on. Before we break up, he flirt around with his senior high school crush. When we were still together, he met his second ex and they discussing the potential of them getting back together.
It took me quite sometimes to call it quit. After we broke up, he has the audacity to ask me whether him & I can get back together, when he was pretty close and cozy with another girl.
A close friend of mine was telling me that her former partner hit her, broke her apartment grill and scared her housemate, telling her she is worthless and saying bad things about her. Worst part is, as her housemates and friends not feeling secure around him, they started to keep distance with her. She hoped that one day, he'd change. He said he love her so much, he cannot stand the thought of her would leave him. He gave her a beautiful promise ring. She had so much faith in him, she was falling for him. They share mutual interest and love over food but unfortunately, this doesn't guarantee anything.
She, with open hands and her kind heart, willing to help him to become a better person. Yet after two years, he didn't change. He got jealous and paranoid, accusing her having affair with her colleague. He left my friend with bruises and a scar.
Another close friend of mine recently just broke up, after a three years of toxic relationship. Her former partner was a compulsive cheater and abusive. They were in a long-distance relationship for the first two years. She was faithful for the whole time, but apparently his partner was often cheating on her with excuse "I was lonely here". One time, he got a pretty obvious love bites and he lied about it, telling her it was an allergic reaction and itchy. She keep quiet about it, until she saw him following a girl on Instagram. She confronted him about this and he admit that the girl on Instagram is the one who gave him love bites.
On another time, he chocked her when they were arguing. Not only that, she got body shamed by her partner. He said to her that her chubby and curvy body makes him uncomfortable and ashamed to walk with her, when his "side chicks" are sexy and hot. Of course, anyone who was told that by their loved ones will feel upset and down. Her self-esteem gone low. His excuse when he said this was "to motivate you to become skinny". She fight for her relationship and just to realise that she was in love with their three years relationship, not with him.
The same thing about us was, we never speak up when these things happened to us. For me, I was too scared it will humiliate me. A part of me was in denial, thought that my partner would change. People do change. They will, if they have want to. In the end, no matter how much we would help, it will be useless when they don't have the intention to becoming better version of themselves.
These are some upsetting stories that happens basically to me and people near me. It wasn't easy to break up, for sure after everything. But it was definitely more painful to stay with partner that doesn't value you.
As hard as it is to let them go, we have to. They may not be bad people, but they are just not the right fit for us. You will waste your time by waiting for them to change. Your intention may be good, however the longer you stay with someone that makes you unhappy, the harder it will be to cut ties with them. You will wonder why they won't treat you right and start to blame yourself thus it's unhealthy and become toxic (when I knew my partner was flirting around, I wonder whether I wasn't good enough and I did blame myself. We were on long distance relationship).
If someone loves you, they wouldn't put themselves in a position to lose you. They wouldn't belittle you. They wouldn't ever discourage and look you down. They would be proud of you, no matter what happen. Once they start looking down at you, for me this is the initial sign of toxic relationship. They may verbally saying things to you and worst thing could be hitting you.
For me, I never aim to find the perfect partner, because I myself still need to fix me. I want someone that fits me. I can never stand a partner that saying bad words towards or about me.
There are few inspiring quotes for encouragement that everyone should know that I found here, whether you are in relationship or not. (p.s: I believe below quotes applicable to friendship and work place as well)
So. Freaking. Much.
p.s: hey exes, there are a few lyrics from this Little Mix song that perfectly describe what I might say to you, such as "You made my heart break and that made me who I am."
❣
(this may be the longest post I ever written and I pour my mind and heart to it. feel free to add or give feedback towards my thoughts.)
It's even saddened me more to know that those people are close to me and I couldn't imagine what they were going thru. The fact that people you trust and love dearly could do such thing, makes it even harder for me to process.
There's a saying that "Those you trust the most can hurt you the most". I believe this can be true because your partner knows that you love them, and you will eventually forgive them. Which is true, by the way from my experience. Some people expresses love in the wrong way.
I've never had any partner who hit me, however, my previous partner likes to flirt around, saying uncontrollable and bad things when he was mad and not to mention, he sometimes twist his story. Before deciding to be with him, I know that he cheated on his exes (yes, he confessed to me he cheated on his first and second girlfriend). He said he want to start something new, clean and ready to move on. Before we break up, he flirt around with his senior high school crush. When we were still together, he met his second ex and they discussing the potential of them getting back together.
It took me quite sometimes to call it quit. After we broke up, he has the audacity to ask me whether him & I can get back together, when he was pretty close and cozy with another girl.
A close friend of mine was telling me that her former partner hit her, broke her apartment grill and scared her housemate, telling her she is worthless and saying bad things about her. Worst part is, as her housemates and friends not feeling secure around him, they started to keep distance with her. She hoped that one day, he'd change. He said he love her so much, he cannot stand the thought of her would leave him. He gave her a beautiful promise ring. She had so much faith in him, she was falling for him. They share mutual interest and love over food but unfortunately, this doesn't guarantee anything.
She, with open hands and her kind heart, willing to help him to become a better person. Yet after two years, he didn't change. He got jealous and paranoid, accusing her having affair with her colleague. He left my friend with bruises and a scar.
Another close friend of mine recently just broke up, after a three years of toxic relationship. Her former partner was a compulsive cheater and abusive. They were in a long-distance relationship for the first two years. She was faithful for the whole time, but apparently his partner was often cheating on her with excuse "I was lonely here". One time, he got a pretty obvious love bites and he lied about it, telling her it was an allergic reaction and itchy. She keep quiet about it, until she saw him following a girl on Instagram. She confronted him about this and he admit that the girl on Instagram is the one who gave him love bites.
On another time, he chocked her when they were arguing. Not only that, she got body shamed by her partner. He said to her that her chubby and curvy body makes him uncomfortable and ashamed to walk with her, when his "side chicks" are sexy and hot. Of course, anyone who was told that by their loved ones will feel upset and down. Her self-esteem gone low. His excuse when he said this was "to motivate you to become skinny". She fight for her relationship and just to realise that she was in love with their three years relationship, not with him.
The same thing about us was, we never speak up when these things happened to us. For me, I was too scared it will humiliate me. A part of me was in denial, thought that my partner would change. People do change. They will, if they have want to. In the end, no matter how much we would help, it will be useless when they don't have the intention to becoming better version of themselves.
These are some upsetting stories that happens basically to me and people near me. It wasn't easy to break up, for sure after everything. But it was definitely more painful to stay with partner that doesn't value you.
As hard as it is to let them go, we have to. They may not be bad people, but they are just not the right fit for us. You will waste your time by waiting for them to change. Your intention may be good, however the longer you stay with someone that makes you unhappy, the harder it will be to cut ties with them. You will wonder why they won't treat you right and start to blame yourself thus it's unhealthy and become toxic (when I knew my partner was flirting around, I wonder whether I wasn't good enough and I did blame myself. We were on long distance relationship).
If someone loves you, they wouldn't put themselves in a position to lose you. They wouldn't belittle you. They wouldn't ever discourage and look you down. They would be proud of you, no matter what happen. Once they start looking down at you, for me this is the initial sign of toxic relationship. They may verbally saying things to you and worst thing could be hitting you.
For me, I never aim to find the perfect partner, because I myself still need to fix me. I want someone that fits me. I can never stand a partner that saying bad words towards or about me.
There are few inspiring quotes for encouragement that everyone should know that I found here, whether you are in relationship or not. (p.s: I believe below quotes applicable to friendship and work place as well)
A healthy relationship doesn't drag you down. It inspires you to be better.
A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dream or your dignity.
Don't let your loyalty become slavery.
You cannot change someone who doesn't see an issue in their actions.You need to love and put yourself first. Appreciate yourself. For those who survived, I adore you.
So. Freaking. Much.
p.s: hey exes, there are a few lyrics from this Little Mix song that perfectly describe what I might say to you, such as "You made my heart break and that made me who I am."
❣
(this may be the longest post I ever written and I pour my mind and heart to it. feel free to add or give feedback towards my thoughts.)
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